3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
