i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
