3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
