Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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