If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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