She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
