I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
