Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
