he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
