if you like me you must not know who I am
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
