Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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