Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
