She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
