What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
