Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
