I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
