i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
