Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
