i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
