ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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