she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
