dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
