marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
