wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
