I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
