Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
