Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
