How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
