I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
