here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dicks are not precious.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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