My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
