I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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