She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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