the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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