did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
