You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i think my cat just said my name.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
