i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
