i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize