apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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