Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
