I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
