Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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