I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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