A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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