I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize