i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
