Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
