I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
