You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
