"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
