in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
