Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
