I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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