We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
