You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
