So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
