every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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