wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
